Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
