I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
