he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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