Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
