its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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