Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
