You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
