I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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