I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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