She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Please don't give away my fajitas
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
