I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
