she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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