So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
