I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
