just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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