Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
