I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
