he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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