listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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