I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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