I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
