If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
