Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
