When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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