Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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