I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel great
I just peed on a car
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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