cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
