Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
