You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
