Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
