did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
