I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
