Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i will never coherently bang her
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
