It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
