My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
