Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He passed out mid-signature
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
