When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
