does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
