we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your cock deserves a montage
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
