The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
