This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
