I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
