Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
