if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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