So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
