is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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