You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
