I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
