I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
