He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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