a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
